An aftershock is a smaller earthquake that follows a larger earthquake, in the same area of the main shock, caused as the displaced crust adjusts to the effects of the main shock.
Aftershocks. This is my current state. I am experiencing aftershocks in all areas of my life... and somehow these shocks are causing a wake within my being that is even more tumultuous than the major shock of Covid 19. The adjustment following a global pandemic, that furloughed all my jobs, had me scrambling and negotiating in every facet of my life. The aftershocks I am experiencing now, with work back tenfold, friendships and relationships strained, or lost completely due to death, sickness or trauma, feels like major whiplash.
I don't like it.
I'm trying to adjust and mold into this new normal. I'm working more than I did pre Covid, however, I feel scattered, lonely and displaced. My friendships and relationships are different now.. .and for the first time in 10 years, I find myself a loner. Many friendships have dissipated, routines from early 2020 have disintegrated, and I have become a workaholic.
I also recognize that this aftershock period may be necessary, and any type of control I seek to shortcut this adjustment process will return to bite me in the behind.
It sucks feeling like this...
This adjustment has a name: Grief.
I loathe feeling grief. I run from it. I push it aside, but it never goes away. I prolong the process when I pretend it's not there... and it always resurfaces with a vengeance that knocks me on the floor. Literally.
Many of you are feeling grief too. You're not alone. It's uncomfortable, and necessary. And any amount of distraction to fill the void, leaves you feeling more empty later and mostly desperate.
So, I've decided to sit in this ick, and grab the water out of the fridge rather than the Prosecco, and sit here and feel it and call it by name: Grief.
See you on the other side...
