Hope: Fantasy or Reality?

When I was a little girl, I used to dream of the days I would be discovered as an actress that would change the world... and the young woman who after years of research, discovered a cure for cancer... who met a man and then waltzed down the aisle into a wonderful and fruitful marriage, making babies, and loving well.

As this year hits, at 41, and none of these dreams have transpired, I am realizing that I have a HUGE part to play in my dreams... in my hopes becoming a reality.

When you're small, no one give you real talk about life's obstacles.  You can't really comprehend the magnitude of sorrow over disappointments, and what true heart ache is like, how it immobilizes you to paralysis, leaving you blindsided for days...

No parent wants to explain to their children,
"Sweetheart, go for your dreams, but beware, it's going to be hell.  Expect major disappointments.  Expect set backs that will cause you intense pain.  Expect sickness, death, and poverty.  Expect the worst, and hope for the best.  Go after your dreams, and maybe they'll come true."  

Who in God's name wants to tarnish a sweet child's fantasies?  And are they really just fantasy? 

Maybe.  

Maybe not... 

Years ago, I read a book called the Sacred Romance, by John Eldredge.  I believe in my heart, that after reading these profound and lovely pages, that I became a Christian.  What did it for me, was John's way of explaining the arrows that pierce us, that damage our hearts in the dreams we long for most.  This made so much sense to me.  All of the desires that I had ALWAYS hoped for, ALWAYS, without fail, disappointed me.  But they didn't just disappoint me, they stabbed me to my core... hurts that triggered my soul to numb out.  Sometimes I felt like a part or most of me, died.  I would  stop feeling.  Pain was too much.  Everything became grey.  But I figured, "grey is better than getting excited about anything, because I know, that what I long for, will never happen."  

In reflecting on my life, and reading John's book, I realized that the hope for the desires in my heart come from the one who created me.  Why would a creator make something only to set it up for failure to be trashed? John also described the real force that exists and feeds like a vampire... There is a powerful and dark force whose number one goal is evil... to literally destroy the Great Creator's creation.  

And this is when everything clicked.  

My desires are not a joke.  There is a reason that my heart is to love well, enjoy a beautiful family, touch and connect with others, use my talent as a conduit, and desire health, and wellness...

These desires were planted in me TO BRING LIFE.  That is what the Creator instilled in all of us.  However, there is, in fact, a clever, sinister source, that lurks... His desire is to kill, steal and destroy.  This entity of darkness preys on life, and breaking us down to give up our God given gifts. 

So far in my life, I have seen and experienced this contrasting radiant light and black night.  I am intrigued by the deep ocean, and curious about the Prince of Darkness.  I dabble in my intrigue of mystery, and often find myself close to the edge of dreadful sin that catapults me into no man's land. My flesh reeks of want; the wrong desire... time and time again these momentary cravings prove despair rather than glory.  And I shrivel rather than shine...

I TRULY believe that there is a literal LIFE/DEATH battle far beyond what we can even comprehend that takes place in the realm of what we call in popular TV shows/Films ("the Upside down," "the Underworld," "the Matrix").  

If life was easy, there would be no room for story...

If life was a cake walk, we would never appreciate the glory at the end of the war...

If everything was easy, with no pain, and no heartache, we would never experience the victory of success.  

Life isn't meant to be EASY.  Life is HARD.  REALLY DIFFICULT.  And there is a reason... 

So, bring on the rain... and bring on the obstacles... because I realize that with pain there is a glorious gain... 

During battle, it's the choices I make every moment that either move me toward life,  or move me toward death.  

And the choices I make in the midst of chaos, are my part to play in the story.

I shine or I cower.  I stand or I fall.

The choice is mine.